I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
