Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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