Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
