return my video game
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
