Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
