Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
