I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
