I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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