Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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