You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
