dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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