better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
