Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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