Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
