Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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