Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
