We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
