Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it wasn't lemon gatorade
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I touched a dick in church today
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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