i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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