apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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