Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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