OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
