Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
