the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
