my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
