I want to have your abortion
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
