You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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