Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
