Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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