dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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