everyone is single if you try hard enough
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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