i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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