she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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