Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
