I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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