i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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