she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My ass is underappreciated
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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