i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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