Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
