I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
