This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
