yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
