I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
