she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
