This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
