just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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