he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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