Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
