TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
