ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
