Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
