so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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