yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
