I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
only you would photoshop your dick
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
