in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
