my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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