Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
