i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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