i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
