At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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