I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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