It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
