I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
