Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
