The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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