In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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