Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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