apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
