Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
