Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
