it was like his penis was on wheels.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
