just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
